1080p
by lunasilvia
Summary: "I went to Palmetto State," Seth says, setting the camera on his bedside table as he starts shuffling through his closet. "Graduated and went to grad school for social work, and started YouTube towards the end of my last year. If I figure YouTube isn't for me, I might go back. It's been three-ish years but, hey, who knows?"
1. in which seth has friends

Notes:

guys be gentle with me this is my first fic

short recap of the insp behind this fic:

me: *just finished watching buzzfeed unsolved*  
me: *checks tumblr*  
tumblr: *first post is sethvin*  
me:  
me: *checks ao3*  
ao3: 2 Works in Kevin Day/Seth Gordon  
me: *looks into the camera like i'm in the office*

context stuffs:  
\- evermore never happened but riko did (will be explored later)  
\- all of them went to psu; only neil, kev, and dan were on the team  
\- kev, jeremy, thea, and jean are in US Court; neil's on a prof team; dan is on a rec team

oh yeah, and paula? this is for you.

follow me on tumblr lunasilvia for maybe updates

* * *

**sEthgAmEsYt** uploaded: qnA bEfOrE vIdcOn!

* * *

Seth stares at his laptop.

He looks up as he turns his laptop to face the camera.

It slowly zooms in on his laptop screen.

The Tweet on screen reads:

**kawaii kimi-chan~🌸🍒** kim_xyz40899

uwu seth-sempai! daisuke desu~~~~ owo

The camera slowly pans to Seth, expression lifeless. When he opens his mouth to speak, the audio's volume and bass is boosted and the video deep fries.

"Am I a joke to you?"

The video cuts to Seth sitting at his desk, adjusting the camera. After about a minute, he sits back and grabs a mug from off screen. He starts chugging the contents, and at the bottom of the mug, written in Comic Sans, is "no.". He slams the mug on the desk and looks back at the camera, a crazed expression on his face. "It's _time_," he sings, "for inevitable disappointment in my fan base!" He uses his mouse to scroll as he answers without looking up, and cropped images of the Tweet pop up as he speaks.

"'Favourite colour?' Dark green. 'Favourite TV show?' Fresh Prince. 'Favourite drink?' Coffee, probably, but Red Bull on a short notice. 'Have you ever been arrested?' Not yet. 'Would you rather be ugly but live for eternity or beautiful but die in two years?' Well, I'm already one of those so might as well take the immortality as well! 'Who is your hero?' Rick Astley. 'Favourite Movie?' Actually, okay, I have something to say about this."

Seth begins wildly moving his hands as he says, "So, I'm pretty tight with this guy named Nicky Hemmick." He raises his hand up and the profile picture of Nicky Hemmick appears. "You may or may not know him." The screen is filled with a zoomed-in, shaking screenshot of Nicky's subscriber count: 2.3 million. "And he- and I am deadass- is the _worst_ person to watch movies with. He doesn't feel _anything_ if it's on screen, I swear to Jesus. It's the reason why I can't watch dog movies with him anymore. We were watching Brokeback Mountain together for Monday Movie Night one time, and I'm sitting there, no more popcorn, my life is ruined, my toes have dissipated in the forty degrees temperature, I'm ugly sobbing, because, you know, it's fucking _Brokeback Mountain_, we've still got half the movie left, and this fucker. Nicky Fucking Hemmick. He fucking-"

Seth turns to look directly at the camera.

The video cuts to Seth taking out his phone and calling someone with the contact name "repressed bitch". It rings three times before someone picks up.

_"Hey, what's up?"_

Seth's face is blank as he says, "Hey Nicky, remember that time we were watching Brokeback Mountain together?"

The person on the other end, Nicky, breaks out into laughter. _"Seth- oh my _God_\- Seth, it's been, like, a year!"_

"Do you want to tell my viewers what you did?"

_"You can't do this every time you want to make me look bad in front of people. It's gonna get stale eventually."_

"Do you _want_ to tell my _viewers_ what you _did_?"

_"Oh, c'mon, the ending was funny, you can't blame me for laughing."_

Seth turns toward the camera and it slowly zooms in on his face as audio plays in the background. _"They ask you how you are and you just have to say that you're fine when you're not really fi-"_

_"Also, I need a hotel roommate for VidCon, are you-?"_

Seth jams his thumb down on the hang up button.

The video continues with Seth rapid-fire answering questions about himself ("'Cats or dogs?' Birds. 'Allergies?' Stupidity.") until he reaches a question that makes him stop.

"'What did you major in college?'" A small smile plays at the corner of his lips as he gets up, bringing his camera with him out the office and into his bedroom. It's cluttered, with books stacked precariously on every piece of furniture and crumpled up sheets. Posters of rock bands line the walls and a stuffed bear sits on the windowsill. "I went to Palmetto State," Seth says, setting the camera on his bedside table as he starts shuffling through his closet. "Graduated and went to grad school for social work, and started YouTube towards the end of my last year. I worked with a local organisation that helped children with mental health issues, toxic households, or negative school environments- a lot of times, all three- for a couple of years before I decided to do this full time. I still help those folks out when they're down a guy, every now and then. If I figure YouTube isn't for me, I might go back. It's been three-ish years but, hey, who knows? Ah, here it is."

Seth fishes out a neon orange hoodie with a white paw and the letters "PSU" on the front, holding it up to the camera, a lopsided grin on his face. "Isn't this thing ugly as shit?"

The video cuts to Seth taking a seat back down at his desk. "'Do you play any sports?' Yeah, actually. Exy. I played striker for a YMCA team when I was in middle and high school. I'm not on a team or anything, but Dan- Wilds, that one, yep- is on a rec team and I'll join in if I'm bored sometimes. A little less thinking about my future and maybe I would've done it in college."

Seth continues to answer questions. "'What's your favourite food?' You know, I'm actually pretty hungry right now. This is the perfect time to enlighten you losers."

The video cuts to a shaky camera walking through Seth's apartment. "It's quick, it's easy, and you broke college fucks can survive off this for centuries," Seth says. "Instant ramen quakes at- oh, hey Neil-" A blurry man sitting on Seth's counter looks up before leaving the screen almost immediately- "quakes at this beauty." He sets the camera down and opens his fridge, slamming each ingredient down one by one. "Three ingredients. Some Tater Tots, a tomato, and Kraft Mac and Cheese."

The video begins a timelapse as Seth continues to narrate. "You wanna heat up the Tots first, since that usually takes the longest. Then, make your Mac like you would normally. I like to put a little extra milk and butter because I know how to treat myself like the bitch I am. Cut up your tomato into small, fingernail size chunks as the other two are cooking. When the Mac is done, dump the tomato flesh and probably some salt and pepper in, stir, then put it in a bowl. Your Tots should be ready at this point, so you wanna take them out, crush them up, and mix half into your Mac. Take the other half and sprinkle it on top. Put that bowl in the oven, wait a bit, and bam."

The video resumes normal speed as Seth drops a bowl in front of the camera. "Mac à la Seth. Gordon Ramsey wishes he was on this level. Look at this gorgeous thing. If you put some basil on top, your date won't know what the fuck hit them. But you will. You'll know that I just unlocked for you the secrets of the culinary universe." He eats a spoon and the video cuts multiple times to him in different positions in his kitchen, shouting "DELICIOUS" at the top of his lungs.

The video cuts back to Seth at his desk as he answers a few more questions. ("'Are you a top or a b-?' Really? Right in front of my salad?")

Eventually, he says, "Alright, every other question is repeated or absolute trash. Want to submit not trash questions next time I do a Q and A? Follow my Twitter, sEthgAmEsYt." He uses his finger to make random shapes towards the camera and a picture of his Twitter profile follow where his finger goes. "Just as a heads up, I'm going to VidCon this weekend as a featured creator, and I'm sharing a table with Nicky, Dan, and Matt. There'll be merch, signing, photos, chats, and all that good stuff. I'll also be on a panel with Nicky, Allison, and Renee. All the information, as well as their links, is down in the description. If you want me to find a creator to collab with, dump their names in the comments and I'll check them out, see what I can do."

Seth closes his laptop and turns to the camera, flashing a peace sign. "Until next time, Seth's out."

The screen goes black.

* * *

**743 Comments**

* * *

**Bryce Paulet **

I'm so mad that not only did Seth get me to try the Mac but that it's actually fucking good

358 likes

* * *

**youre friendly neighborhoood lozer**

i actuakky sont jbow nixky rifhr jow fjdsaklfjs

1.1k likes

* * *

**pizza master**

ok but seth went to psu? kevin day went to psu? seth played exy? kevin day plays exy? seth is going to vidcon? kevin day is going to vidcon? coincidince? i think not

835 likes

_Top Reply_

**chewedupgum**

collab!

23 likes

* * *

**k8-tl3y 3**

ok but seth doing social work makes me so soft im cri,,,,, this bean,,,,,,,,

1k likes

* * *

**raven 100**

neil sighting #81

148 likes

_Top Reply_

**carlonnaise**

#82

232 likes

* * *

**Nicky Hemmick xo** iamnickyhemmick

About to fly to California! See you lovelies soon 😘

[picture:

The photo is of a massive, full wall window at the airport. Nicky Hemmick sits on his suitcase off to the side, beaming and waving at the person behind the camera. His oversized white sweater reads, in pastel rainbow colours: we are beautiful people.]

461 retweets - 7.8k likes

* * *

**sEth🔜vIdcOn** sEthgAmEsYt

did you guys know that iamnickyhemmick laughed when sirius died :/

350 retweets - 6.5k likes

**Allison Reynolds** ARbeauty

iamnickyhemmick sEthgAmEsYt and Rue

303 retweets - 6k likes

**M'atta Boy LA** MattBoydYT

iamnickyhemmick sEthgAmEsYt ARbeauty and mufasa

259 retweets - 5.8k likes

**Dan Wilds** DanzGoneWild

iamnickyhemmick sEthgAmEsYt ARbeauty MattBoydYT and rose + jack

236 retweets - 5.7k likes

**Renee Runner** reneewalker

iamnickyhemmick sEthgAmEsYt ARbeauty MattBoydYT DanzGoneWild And Bambi's mom.

161 retweets - 5k likes

**Nicky Hemmick xo** iamnickyhemmick

sEthgAmEsYt ARbeauty MattBoydYT DanzGoneWild reneewalker and all of your deaths too

587 retweets - 8.3k likes

* * *

**sExystars8570**

anonymous asked: in seth gordon's last video he said that he went to psu and he plays exy! is this an omen?

holy shit! they've just followed each other too!

#they better collab #if they dont i will actually cry #sadjfklsdjfla;sdk


	2. in which kevin kinda uses his phone

Notes:

homework? sleep? who're they? never met 'em

sorry about the false upload. i'm still figuring out how to use ao3.

(i will not have a consistent update schedule.)

if you're subbed to this and you constantly get update notifs, that's because i go back into old chapters and nitpick at what i've already posted or reformat things that i change in the chapters i'm currently writing. i'll try to limit the amount of times i re-edit, but no guarantees. (perfection will never be achieved, but we strive for it anyway. why? perhaps to make us feel as if we are perfect. an illusion.)

chapters are going to alternate between transcripts of social media posts and standard narration style depending on how i see fit.

more context stuffs:  
\- alvarez (her name is sara i keep on reading everywhere that her name is sara, i swEAR IT'S SARA RIGHT I'M NOT GOING INSANE?) is on court; laila is on a prof team; andrew is retired

questions:  
\- katelyn and thea mayhaps?

follow me on tumblr lunasilvia for maybe updates

* * *

**KevinDayOfficial** uploaded: Aeroport Trickshots 2

* * *

I will be attending VidCon this weekend. I do not have a table, but I will be accompanying Jeremy Knox, Jean Moreau, Thea Muldani, Sara Alvarez and anyone they may be with. I have a panel with Andrew Minyard, Aaron Minyard, and Nicky Hemmick. Information is on the VidCon website. I will also be going to the various different spaces and attractions. If you see me, feel free to stop me to ask for photos or signatures.

Follow me:  
Twitter - KevinDayOfficial  
Instagram - KevinDayOfficial

US Court:  
Twitter - USCourtExy  
Instagram - USCourtExy

Business inquiries? Email me.

* * *

**12,861 Comments**

* * *

📌 Pinned by KevinDayOfficial

**Supreme Unboxing**

highlights  
0:42 - stylus that hits the check in screen  
1:05 - passport into scanner  
2:17 - keys into bag pocket at security check (the way the security guard looks at kev amirite)  
3:39 - credit card into scanner  
4:00 - mcdonalds wrapper off the walls and into trash  
5:32 - pen into pen holder  
6:45 - whatever the hell that is into his mouth  
7:58 - jacket onto jean  
8:45 - sugar cube into tea  
9:22 - stress ball ceiling bounce into cup on plane  
10:54 - outtakes

10.6k likes

* * *

**carlson daniels**

him yeeting the mcdonalds wrapper into the trash be like my parents me

1.1k likes

* * *

**manchaplancha**

he puts the exy in sexy and the d in me o wait

649 likes

* * *

**SICKO_MODE**

god among men

3.2k likes

_Top Reply_

**LollipopProductions**

queen among peasants

2.4k likes

* * *

**kalliekat**

when he threw the sugar cube into the tea from 10000000 feet away my wIG FLEW-

1.5k likes

* * *

**Dragonslayer07 **

youtuber sightings:  
0:47 - i am nicky hemmick  
2:86 - love, laila and Sara Alvarez (BLACKLINERS)  
4:09 - a. minyard  
5:32 - sEthgAmEs  
6:44 - It'sKatelyn!  
7:58 - Jean Moreau (BLACKLINERS)  
8:21 - Dr. Minyard  
9:07 - Thea Muldani (BLACKLINERS)  
and screaming in the background throughout the entire video - JearBere

_Top Reply_

**Tiger P**

3:32 - Neil Josten

1k likes

* * *

**C4RTER**

if he doesn't do trickshots at vidcon imma start throwin hands

2.5k likes

_Top Reply_

**Алексей Константинов**

petition to have kevin throw fans at jeremy's meet and greet

2.3k likes

* * *

**Jean Moreau** jean_moreau

[video:

The camera is walking up to an airport Starbucks, where Kevin Day stands behind the counter, waiting for an order.

"Hey, Kev!" Jeremy Knox shouts from behind the camera. "Wallet me!"

Kevin takes a wallet out of his pocket. As he throws it, a high pitched shriek erupts out of nowhere as a teenage girl barrels into view. The camera shakes and gets thrown out of Jeremy's hands as he's thrown out of the way onto the ground. The girl shouts, "KEVIN, HAVE MY BABIES!"

The camera falls onto the floor and shows an upside down, blurry view of Jean Moreau catching the wallet. Jean walks over to the camera, picks it up, and adjusts the focus. He holds it out to show his face, and he takes out his phone, flashing it towards the camera.

The clock reads 4:45 AM.]

1.2k retweets - 3.5k likes

* * *

**Chair Mii Socks** JearBere

kev jean + me r waiting for the plane! fire some questions to kill time!

[picture:

Jeremy Knox is taking a selfie from an upwards angle of himself, Jean Moreau, and Kevin Day. In the background, the sun looks to be just risen. Jeremy is flashing a toothy grin and he wears a bright red USC Trojans hoodie. Jean is dressed in mainly black, and he's reading a book. Kevin has his glasses pushed up against his face and he wears shorts and a t-shirt. He's watching an Exy game on his phone.]

1.3k retweets - 7.2k likes

* * *

**candie babie** 💝

JearBere omg jeremy are u ok? jean_moreau's video?! ajdflskd

3 retweets - 11 likes

**Chair Mii Socks** JearBere

it was a very strong elbow 2 the side!

518 retweets - 1.2k likes

* * *

**ya boi the hammer** stacks13207

JearBere what game is kev watching

6 retweets - 10 likes

**Chair Mii Socks** JearBere

stacks13207 mammoths v coyotes (wooo! go cali!) NEL 22!

775 retweets - 1.3k likes

* * *

**matty katty** matildabaxter24

JearBere what book is jean reading?

0 retweets - 3 likes

**Chair Mii Socks** JearBere

amitybaxter24 93 victor hugo! (its 1 of his favorites!)

728 retweets - 1.2k likes

* * *

**Carla Mel Danson** xcxmxdx

JearBere How do you find time to balance out exy and youtube?

75 retweets - 125 likes

**Chair Mii Socks** JearBere

xcxmxdx (1) a lot of what i do 4 yt is already exy related: believe it or not, i study a lot of the vids i use as source material 4 compilations. (ive tried doing almost all of the plays in my "sickass plays" vids) also, most of the time when im active w yt is after exy season

773 retweets - 1.4k likes

**Chair Mii Socks** JearBere

(2) when im not rlly busy. plus, coach always says u gotta have a downtime and a way 2 entertain and destress urself (mental health is v important!). yt is that 4 me!

1k retweets - 1.6k likes

* * *

**nello jello** nello_jello

JearBere listening to anything rn?

3 retweets - 21 likes

**Chair Mii Socks** JearBere

nello_jello "something to believe in" youngthegiant!

430 retweets - 1.8k likes

* * *

**ollie jj s!** ollie_jj_s

JearBere did you always know you were going to play exy? and if not, what other sport would you pick? or what other job?

15 retweets - 36 likes

**Chair Mii Socks** JearBere

ollie_jj_s 1) kind of? i knew i wanted 2 do something physical, and exy was my best sport. 2) maybe soccer? its my second best sport. swimming would be fun 2. 3) a teacher, def! i luv working w kids! (english, maybe? ) student counselor or personal trainer would be neat 2!

1.2k retweets - 3.6k likes

* * *

**Chair Mii Socks** JearBere

will b going 2 the bathroom! KevinDayOfficial finished his game and hes taking over! (and maybe jean_moreau if we nag him enough!)

1.5k retweets - 4.3k likes

* * *

**ollie jj s!** ollie_jj_s

KevinDayOfficial how do YOU manage your time between exy and yt? what other sport would you pick? other profession? (get jean to answer it too!)

20 retweets - 43 likes

**Kevin Day** KevinDayOfficial

ollie_jj_s The only times I upload are when Jeremy asks to. I rarely use my YouTube platform. I'm glad that my fans seem to enjoy the spare content, though. I'd pick lacrosse. I would be a history professor or teacher, if I had the patience to manage younger students.

2.9k retweets - 5.7k likes

**Kevin Day** KevinDayOfficial

ollie_jj_s Jean says that the first question doesn't apply. He'd pick skiing, and he'd be either an artist or a novelist.

1.5k retweets - 2k likes

* * *

**秋山りんちゃん**🍡 akiyama_rinchan

KevinDayOfficial How many takes do each trickshot require?

17 retweets - 48 likes

**Kevin Day** KevinDayOfficial

akiyama_rinchan Usually, it won't exceed 25. Occasionally, it takes around 50 (the credit card shot from the latest video), and sometimes, pure luck will get a perfect shot (sugar cube shot).

3.9k retweets - 4.1k likes

* * *

**Neil Josten** njos10

KevinDayOfficial like for a tbh

18 retweets - 559 likes

**Neil Josten** njos10

KevinDayOfficial tbh you're an asshole

36 retweets - 979 likes

**Kevin Day** KevinDayOfficial

njos10 I didn't like your Tweet.

1k retweets - 4.4k likes

* * *

**Erik Jenssen** goldenphoenixfire

jean_moreau favourite plays? movies? pieces of art?

3 retweets - 17 likes

**Jean Moreau** jean_moreau

goldenphoenixfire hamlet, le dieu du carnage. the colour purple. wandering shadows by peter graham.

62 retweets - 753 likes

* * *

**the sun on the raisin bran cereal box** baileykdiaz

KevinDayOfficial cats or dogs? favorite board game?

3 retweets - 18 likes

**Kevin Day** KevinDayOfficial

baileykdiaz Dogs. aminyard owns two cats and I've, quite frankly, had enough of them. Trivial Pursuit.

120 retweets - 2.5k likes

**Andrew Minyard** aminyard

You know what happens next.

866 retweets - 3.2k likes

* * *

**Chair Mii Socks** JearBere

back from bathroom! guess which absolute lEgEnd i found? :))))

[picture:

Jeremy is taking a picture of himself in the bathroom mirror with Seth, both of them doing finger guns back to back.]

1.1k retweets - 5.2k likes

* * *

**Chair Mii Socks** JearBere

about 2 fly soon, any last qs?

93 retweets - 1.8k likes

* * *

**It's Britney, bitch!** coolgirl473

JearBere for the crew: fav vid game? fav hobby unrelated to exy?

1 retweet - 15 likes

**Chair Mii Socks** JearBere

me: pkm emerald + camping!  
kev: none but he said he liked the art he's seen from assassin's creed + travelling!  
jean: hollow knight + reading!

581 retweets - 3k likes

* * *

**ya boi in da house** noobmaster69

JearBere when did u lose ur virginity? fav sex position?

2 retweets - 13 likes

**Chair Mii Socks** JearBere

[gif:

Blinking White Guy]

469 retweets - 2.3k likes

* * *

**sEthgAmEs✈️vIdcOn** sEthgAmEsYt

1v1 me smash?

715 retweets - 1.9k likes

**Chair Mii Socks** JearBere

ur on!

675 retweets - 1.2k likes

**M'atta Boy LA** MattBoydYT

*whispers* ohhhhh he has no clue

304 retweets - 972 likes

* * *

**sEthgAmEs🚗vIdcOn** sEthgAmEsYt

jean_moreau JearBere new contact: "exy god can't smash this"

[video:

Seth and Jeremy are both playing Super Smash Bros. Ultimate on the plane, a Nintendo Switch placed on a book balanced between their seat trays. Seth is playing Zero Suit Samus and Jeremy, Kirby. The stage is Kongo Falls. Jeremy is on his last stock, at 108%. Seth has all of his stocks, at 19%.

Jeremy smashes the buttons on his Joycon and Kirby moves across the screen, hitting blindly at nothing as Seth makes Samus jump and evade the attacks. As Kirby is in the middle of an attack, Samus kicks him off the edge. Kirby jumps but Samus launches into a combo, beating Kirby further and further away from the platforms. Kirby kicks Samus down but Samus makes a combination of jumps to land herself on one of the platforms.

As Kirby tries making his way back, Samus shoots at him once.

_GAME!_

Jeremy buries his face in his hands as Seth laughs, setting down his controller.

From behind the camera, Jean reaches a hand out towards Jeremy and says, "Do you want to stop? It's your forty-sixth loss and-"

Jeremy's head shoots up and he shouts, _"Don't talk to m-!"_

A woman sitting behind them interrupts with an irritated, "Can you boys quiet down?"]

327 retweets - 3.2k likes

* * *

**Allison Reynolds** ARBeauty

reneewalker 💍

4.5k retweets - 18.5k likes

* * *

**Renee AboutToWalker** reneewalker

ARBeauty 💒💐

3.1k retweets - 15.4k likes


	3. in which seth and allison argued

Notes:

i've never been to a wedding, so this is mainly guessing.

update rate will take a massive hit because:  
1.) less time off from school  
2.) hitting the actual plot, which is barely formed and not at all coherent rn  
3.) motivation issues

i don't plan on abandoning this ever (writing this is fun and remarkably therapeutic), but i'm juggling schoolwork and half a life. cut me a nice slice of slack.

i also don't love the way i wrote kevin. i'm not quite sure i'm doing him justice. i'll work on it, i promise.

follow me on tumblr lunasilvia for maybe updates.

* * *

Seth clutches the rim of the sink and watches as droplets fall from the faucet down the drain.

"Breathe," he mutters, "Fucking breathe, dammit."

He wishes he could enjoy himself.

The first half was fine. More than fine, actually. He walked with Andrew Minyard, one of Renee's men of honour, down the aisle, which was an experience he'd never even think of imagining, and kept himself from making any short jokes to break the ice. (He'd seen Minyard's switchblade videos and wasn't quite in the mood to test if what Renee said about custom suits and knives was true.) He managed to keep himself from crying before Matt, winning him fifty dollars and any day of his choice to take over his Twitter. He delivered his speech without stumbling once in between, earning him three hundred and seventy-five dollars and a standing ovation from the rest of the wedding guests.

Oh, yeah, and he watched two of his best friends get married.

But then the rest of the reception rolled in. Lights went down, bass went up, drinks passed around, and suddenly, Seth and his whopping six feet five-and-a-half inches felt small. Cornered. Trapped.

This isn't the worst breakdown Seth's had. Far from that, actually. He feels mind numblingly- well, _numb_, and his throat and eyes and head aren't exactly cooperating, but hey. Nothing hurts physically. Still, that doesn't mean he appreciates the flood of sleepless hours, of relapses, of screaming at loved ones, of memories any more.

Seth grits his teeth and slams his fist against the wall. The sharp pain clears the haze and all of a sudden he can feel again, he can-

The door clicks open and Seth jumps back from the sink like it's burning his hands. He stands up taller, rubs his eyes, and puts on a scowl, something that he doesn't like admitting is second nature. He has to blink a few times before he registers who's in front of him.

Kevin Day, the "son of Exy", Striker, number seven on the US Court team, six foot, men's size twelve and a half, star of three movies, model for Nike's Exy line, seventeen million subscribers, stumbles into one of the bathroom stalls in breakneck speed and promptly vomits.

Seth can't help himself: he laughs.

The toilet flushes and Kevin leaves the stall with a sour look on his face. "I'm glad I'm providing sufficient entertainment," he growls, washing his hands and face in the sink.

"Hey, man." Seth shrugs, leaning against the wall. "It's been a long day and you don't get to see Exy star Kevin Day puking his guts out too often." Seth doesn't say that he's glad it's not him hunched over the toilet for once.

Kevin rolls his eyes and dries himself off. Seth raises an eyebrow as Kevin produces a bottle of vodka from thin air. "Dude, you sure you want more after you just hurled?"

"Open bar. Might as well."

"Doesn't seem like you'd have an issue with buying decent booze whenever you want." Kevin glares at him and Seth puts up his hands in surrender. "Hey man, I've seen paychecks and I know how much I make. I'm gonna take a crack and say you aren't struggling with the water bill.

"You're Seth Gordon, yes?"

"At your service, your Majesty."

"Jeremy made you seem much more likeable."

"Apologies for not being enough for you, your Majesty. It's party of the package deal. Bro by day, bastard by night." Seth makes a mental note to tone himself down.

Kevin looks like he wants to comment, but doesn't. "You play Exy, don't you?"

Seth blinks, then furrows his eyebrows. "Out of all the things you pull apart from me, it's that? I'm almost offended." At Kevin's silence, Seth continues, "I'm no you, if that's what you mean."

"My fans were very insistent about the two of us collaborating on a video when I asked who I should meet at VidCon."

"Well, I'm telling you right now I'm not throwing eraser caps onto pencils from three yards away. I'd rather not make myself look more pathetic than I already am."

"We can do something Exy related."

"I wouldn't be able to live up to your title, your Majesty."

"Then what do you suggest?"

"Have you seen any of my stuff?"

Seth doesn't know what he's expecting for an answer, but it certainly isn't a "Yes". He has to give himself a few seconds to process.

"You know my series, Backseat Gamer?"

"I've seen parts of some of it."

"I could put you in the hot seat. Any games you've been wanting to play?"

"It doesn't matter. I'll look like a fool in any iteration."

"Nice. Mutual fool solidarity." That earns a small and surprisingly soft smile from Kevin that Seth absolutely doesn't pay attention to. "I'll find something to play and hit you up."

Kevin nods. "By the way, Nicky was looking for you."

_Well, shit._

"Was he, now? And he asked you?"

Kevin's expression pinches as he says, "Quoting him, 'I thought that the two of you would have gotten in a fistfight by now. If opposites attract, then you two tall assholes would hate each other more than Andrew hates Exy."

"You don't say."

The door opens and Seth turns to see Matt walk in. "I told you to charge your phone, man. This happens every time." He taps Seth's head with a portable battery, his expression exasperated. "We're getting ready to leave. I've got your gift bag. You set?"

"Am I driving?" Matt doesn't say anything but he looks like a kicked puppy, answering the question just as effectively as if he were to say, "We all got piss drunk and are two inches away from blacking out."

Seth punches Matt in the arm and shakes his head, getting up and stuffing his hands into his pockets. "Nice meeting you, your Majesty," he calls over his shoulder. Seth catches a glimpse of an unreadable expression from Kevin as he ambles out the door.

* * *

"You can go to sleep, too," Seth says to Nicky as they head down the freeway, the South California nightscape flying past. Dan and Matt are curled up in the back against each other, both clocking out minutes within entering the car. Nicky, on the other hand, still remains awake, a blanket wrapped around him as his eyelids threaten to flutter shut. It's well past three am and the radio's on low, some random oldies station that Nicky's been humming along with.

"Nah, I'm al-" Nicky yawns- "-alright."

"We both know you wake up at the asscrack of morning each day. Don't even try."

Nicky grins. "The London incident."

"The London incident," Seth echos, shaking his head. It hurts to even think about it. "That is a perfect example of why you should call it a day."

"I don't wanna leave you alone, though," Nicky mumbles, burrowing deeper into the blanket.

Seth's voice softens. Not a single soul in the world deserves Nicky Hemmick, and certainly not Seth. "It's fine. You need to sleep."

"Sure, _mom_. Anything in particular you want to do at VidCon?"

"Allison wants to do my makeup for the panel-"

"Tell me something new."

"-Renee really wants to try the karaoke thing they have-"

"She'd kill it."

"-Matt wants to go to all of the spaces-"

"If we actually have time for that."

"-Dan wants to go to Universal-"

"Damn, sis."

"-you want to try out all the food trucks-"

"Wow, you remembered? I'm touched."

"-and Jeremy wants a Smash rematch."

"Jeremy? Jeremy Knox? _The_ Jeremy Knox? Sunshine baby golden boy of Exy YouTube Jeremy Knox? You never told me you knew him."

"About that, you never told me you knew Kevin Day."

"You never asked and it never came up. Plus, I only really know him because of Neil and Andrew. Andrew's the one you walked with."

"The angry, short one."

"No, that's Aaron."

"What?"

"Aaron is angry and short. Andrew's just… short."

Seth laughs. "Seems pretty angry to me."

"You'd be surprised. Anyway, how do you know Jeremy?"

"On the flight to LA. He was with Jean Moreau. I think Kevin was there too, but on a different plane, so I didn't really catch him. He's a cool guy and he wants to beat me at Smash."

"No one can. You're a god."

"That's cute."

"Also, you never answered with what you want to do."

"I'll just follow all y'all around. Maybe find some people to record with, but no big plans."

"Really? Nothing?"

"Jean said that BLACKLINERS were doing a live podcast, so Dan and I might drag you guys along with. Other than that, I'm good."

A moment of silence passes.

Nicky turns towards Seth, his expression clouded. "We were scared, you know."

"About?" Seth doesn't like where this is going.

"Today. You just up and left after the first dance. Allison started freaking out and Matt was gonna look for you but I- I told him not to. Because of what you said to me and all of that."

Something pulls at Seth from deep inside him as he turns onto an exit. "I just needed space."

"I know, but, well, we don't want anything happening to you."

"It's been two years," Seth says, his voice hard as he stares straight out the window. He's had this conversation far too many times. "I'm better now. You don't have to treat me like I'm some precious piece of glass."

"I know…" Nicky hesitates, then asks, "Why did you tell Allison to keep the bar? No one really drank at the wedding."

Seth knows that the two of them know that's not true. It almost makes him laugh. "People don't really like sober weddings and Allison had a lot of people to impress."

Nicky pouts. "Weddings aren't a business event. They're supposed to be fun with friends."

"I had fun."

Nicky nods absently. "Whatever you say."

The two fall silent and Seth's eyes flick towards his best friend as he murmurs along to the Frank Sinatra number that comes on. Seth lets out a long breath as he continues to drive. It takes another ten minutes for him to finally pull into the parking lot, and by then, all of them are fast asleep. He watches them for a bit, Dan's quiet snores, Matt's incomprehensible mumbles, and Nicky's uneven breathing, like so many nights before.

Seth hates this.

He hates Nicky's worried tone, hates his drawn eyebrows and creased forehead, hates the concern behind his eyes. The first time Seth had turned his phone off and gone out with Nicky, he knew. The first time Nicky stepped into Seth's meager apartment, he knew. The first time Seth talked about his family to Nicky, he knew.

And Seth hates it.

Hates that little voice in Nicky's head that tells him everything that goes wrong, that only feeds the care and concern that that angel has for all of his friends.

The others aren't too different, either. Allison had been with Seth during the worst years, and she'll never let him off. Renee and Dan have seen it in every one of their friends and family too many times for them to take a chance on him. Matt knows what it's like first hand, and not even God would give him the will to let go of Seth if it meant that there was even the slightest possibility he could turn back. And all of them refuse to let him out of their eyesight.

He hates that.

He doesn't need it.

He's better.

He's better.

He's better, right?


	4. in which we do NOT stan kevin's usual

Notes:

sorry for the super late post. i was hospitalised for a week and wasn't able to work on this. also, i struggled with this chapter a lot. i have a direction i want to go, though, so maybe it'll be easier. hopefully.

then again, i'm not satisfied with what i wrote. at all. i'm really trying, but i don't like it still.

it's hard to get kevin and seth's dynamic properly without them already hating each other to begin with. i'll work on it i swear i'm trying i promise.

i made apple cinnamon raisin walnut oatmeal today and it was the best thing i've ever done i swear.

a lot of this is going to be based around character studies, so it'll be heavy in dialogue and interactions. if that isn't your thing, uh, big yikes.

also, a beta reader would be cool. i'm not good at writing. dm me if you're up for it.

follow me on tumblr lunasilvia for maybe updates.

* * *

**M'atta Boy ** **LA** MattBoydYT

sEthgAmEsYt "It looks like a bad attempt at emo eyeshadow"

[picture:

Matt and Dan are taking a selfie in the back of a car. They both have matching pairs of eyebags. In the passenger front seat, Nicky is cradling a gallon Thermos in fetal position.]

435 retweets - 6,198 likes

* * *

**sEth👉vIdcOn** sEthgAmEsYt

MattBoydYT

when tectonic plates separate: normal fault  
when tectonic plates push against each other: reverse fault  
when tectonic plates move sideways: transcurrent fault  
when your useless ass stays up until 4 at a party drinking yourself stupid: your fault

770 retweets - 9,253 likes

**sEth👉vIdcOn** sEthgAmEsYt

fyi MattBoydYT and DanzGoneWild prioritise free unlimited margaritas over their sanity

1 retweet - 156 likes

**Dan Wilds** DanzGoneWild

sEthgAmEsYt Mimosas, actually

2 retweets - 247 likes

* * *

**M'atta Boy LA** MattBoydYT

sEthgAmEsYt They were good! 😡 😡 😡 😭 😭 😭

2 retweets - 123 likes

**sEth👉vIdcOn** sEthgAmEsYt

MattBoydYT so is feeling alive

15 retweets - 137 likes

**Nicky Hemmick xo** iamnickyhemmick

MattBoydYT sEthgAmEsYt DanzGoneWild don't need alcohol to throw that one out the window

1,204 retweets - 8,727 likes

* * *

**Instagram Stories **

* * *

**sEthgAmEsYt**

[Renee Walker taps a button on a claw machine sporting a variety of stuffed animals. The claw reaches down, picks up a fox plushie, and swings it over to the pick up area. As the plushie is dropped from the claw and a cacophony screams erupts from around, the video turns into slow motion.

As the camera zooms in on the fox, falling at a snail's pace, the outro to Celine Dion's "My Heart Will Go On" blasts over the video's noise.]

* * *

**MattBoydYT**

[The video is an over-the-shoulder shot of Nicky's phone as he plays Neko Atsume: Kitty Collector.

From behind, Matt whispers, "Only real gamers can relate."]

* * *

**iamnickyhemmick**

[A screenshot of Neko Atsume: Kitty Collector is displayed, showing a cat wearing red in a feathered hat with a sword and a cat in an umpire's outfit. There is a poll underneath the two cats:

SEÑOR DON GATO | JOE DIMEOWGIO

39% | 61%]

* * *

**DanzGoneWild**

[Dan zooms in on Seth at the check-in counter, whispering, "It's Mom." At some point, Seth looks over his shoulder. A pair of hot pink shutter shades rests on his face. He flips Dan off and turns back to the desk.]

* * *

**Instagram Posts**

* * *

[picture:

Renee and Allison Reynolds are holding hands and in their wedding attire, the setting sun against the Santa Monica coastline behind them. Renee is laughing with her eyes closed as Allison bends over to kiss her cheek.]

172,273 likes

**ARbeauty** "You look ridiculous if you dance. You look ridiculous if you don't dance. So, you might as well dance." #loveislove

* * *

[video:

Renee and Allison are sitting in a hotel room in their wedding attire. The lighting is dim. Renee is playing a sixty-one note keyboard and Allison a ukulele.

They are singing a slowed-down version of "Fly Me to the Moon" by Frank Sinatra.]

60,515 likes

**renee walker** you are all i long for, all i worship and adore. in other words, please be true. in other words, i love you. #love #marriage #soulmates #wedding #pride #pridemonth #keyboard #loveislove #ukulele #acoustic

* * *

Kevin knows many things.

He knows that on 21 July 1971, the IRA planted around twenty car bombs in Belfast, detonating them within the same eighty minute period, labelling that day forever as Bloody Friday. He knows that one of the best ways to retain as many nutritional benefits from kale or spinach is to blend it raw into a smoothie or some kind of liquid drink. He knows that the Helena Heroes went against the Minneapolis Moose on 17 October of last year, going fourteen minutes overtime, both with sixteen points each, making it one of the closest and highest staked matchups in Exy history.

Kevin also knows that there isn't a logical reason as to why he should be nervous.

For a long time, he's considered his charisma natural flowing, his composure easy to keep up, and he's far from the person to get anxious over a social interaction that barely has the potential of ever breathing into existence.

But there's no denying how hard Kevin jerks up in his seat, how quickly Kevin's entire demeanour changes from almost casual to forcibly guarded, how Kevin's head races when he hears the barista practically scream, "Are you Seth Gordon? I'm a huge fan! I've been watching your videos since Silent Hill!"

Kevin knows that he's not supposed to find Nicky's best friend attractive.

He doesn't watch as Seth laughs- and it sounds genuine for once- and nod, rubbing his neck in an almost bashful manner. He doesn't watch Seth reply, "That's awesome, man!" He doesn't watch as the two gush over the video games Seth has played in the past, and he doesn't watch Seth take out an instant camera. He doesn't watch Seth sign the three sheets of film he prints out, handing them over with a twenty dollar bill even as the barista continues to insist the coffee is on the house.

Really, though, Kevin doesn't watch as Seth turns around and makes his way over. Kevin's ducked down, too busy staring intently at the game on his screen, trying to convince himself he's focused.

_Smooth_, he almost hears Nicky whisper into his ear.

Game. Yes. _Right_.

Dymitr Gwózdek, 8, defensive dealer for Poland, has just body checked Elis Falk, 16, striker for Sweden, but how Gwózdek has the ball and how Falk is on that side of the court, Kevin has no idea. Gwózdek races across the field and on his last step, he feints and launches the ball across the field to Zosia Serafin, 3- no, Olek Bartosz, 13. They must have switched out. But why? Bartosz is nowhere near as good of a player, even with his machine-like agility as a saving grace. Kevin doesn't see Serafin on the bench as the camera flies by. Injury, then. Kevin rewinds the game to see it again. It's a disappointment, really, this close to the finals of the Euro Cup. Serafin is one of the few women on a national team, and one of the best at that. Bartosz could never-

"What'cha watching?"

Kevin jumps and nearly punches Seth, who was peering at Kevin's laptop, dangerously close to Kevin's shoulder.

Seth puts his hands up and takes a step back, wearing a crooked smile. The smile doesn't ease the sudden spike in Kevin's heart rate. "Buy me dinner first before you beat the shit out of me," he says, putting his bag down on the table beside a disconcertingly large cup of coffee. Seth slips into the booth seat across from Kevin, sending his head into overdrive.

_It's okay,_ he tells himself. _Breathe. You're alright._

He's okay. He's alright.

Seth takes out and checks his phone, giving half a second for Kevin to pause the game and send a text to Andrew. Seth pockets his phone and Kevin does the same. He tries valiantly but fails horrendously to look Seth in the eyes. Kevin settles for Seth's left eyebrow instead. It's a rather nice eyebrow.

Kevin needs to stop.

"So," Seth says, gesturing to Kevin's. "What's that?"

Kevin mumbles a response.

"A what?"

"A small iced blueberry black tea lemonade with Splenda instead of sugar, one less pump of blueberry, extra cup of tea, half the ice, and a dial back on the lemon."

Seth looks from Kevin to his cup and back, then takes it and uncovers the lid, taking a sip. He grimaces, puts the lid back on, and immediately pushes it away. "What the _fuck_?" he chokes out. "What _the fuck_?"

_It tastes better spiked,_ Kevin thinks.

"It's good," Kevin says defensively. "Generally, lemonade based drinks are too heavy on the acidity or sweetness, but the balance in this one is-"

Seth held up a hand, effectively silencing Kevin. Seth takes his own drink, tips it back, and downs the entire thing in maybe half a second, slamming it back down.

"God," he groans, "I can still taste the blueberry."

_He drank from my cup,_ Kevin thinks.

Kevin frowns. "Then what did you order?"

"Extra large double shot in the dark."

Kevin feels nauseous just at the thought of that. "How do you ingest that much caffeine this late at night?"

"It's not late!" Seth protests. "It's only, what, twelve?"

"1:45 am."

"Exactly. Not late."

_I'm worried about your health_, Kevin thinks.

"You're going to die when you're thirty," Kevin says.

"Sick. Only two more years to go." Seth winks at Kevin, who's expression is nothing short from horrified, and turns his laptop around. "Ghetto lacrosse? Really? Do you even have a life?"

_You sound like Aaron_.

"I like Exy."

"I didn't realise," Seth snorts.

_You should've played during college._

"You should've played during college."

Seth wrinkles his nose. He looks cute when he does that. "I'm not nearly good enough to be on the same field as you. Plus, I don't give enough of a shit about it."

"You could've practised. You would've gotten better."

Seth shakes his head, his smile amused but his eyes dark. That expression sets something off in Kevin, but what that something is, he has not a single clue. "That's not how it works, Your Majesty. Not everyone can just _get better_." Kevin doesn't get the chance to comment before Seth cuts in with, "Anyway, do you do anything else with your life? Because you definitely should. Get out and live a little, you know. Try something new. Widen your horizons beyond ghetto lacrosse."

Kevin opens his mouth, closes it, opens it again, and closes it.

"What's keeping you up this late, anyway?" Seth asks, closing Kevin's laptop and pushing it aside. "You have all the time in the world to watch ghetto lacrosse and you choose now?"

_I haven't been able to get proper sleep for six years now._

"Serbia and France are live in half an hour, and France has the most new players in their lineup. I'd like to watch it."

Seth raises his eyebrow. "Please don't tell me you're spending VidCon doing nothing but watching ghetto lacrosse."

"_Stop calling it that_, for Christ's sake."

"Come with me and my friends to Universal this weekend."

"My friends and me."

"What?"

"It's 'my friend and me.' Not 'me and my friends.'"

Seth laughs- the second time that night, and it's doing something to Kevin. "Alright, Your Majesty. Shalt thou cometh with mine own company and me to yonder in the Studios of Universal?"

Kevin is about to say he'll think about it, even though he won't, who are we kidding, it's not like he has plans and he can't say no to Seth, when he hears a cough over to the side. Kevin turns to see Aaron standing a little ways off, eyes bloodshot and hands stuffed into his pockets. "You wanted a ride?" he drawls. With the way his accent slips, he's either exhausted, uncomfortable, pissed, or some unholy combination of all three.

"Hey, Not-Andrew," Seth pipes, "You ever tell Kev to stop watching ghetto lacrosse?"

Aaron blinks, then replies, "He knows three words: stick, ball, and stickball."

Seth laughs- the third time that night- and waves at Kevin. "Alright, Your Majesty. Nice seeing you again."

It isn't until they've left the café and have been driving for five minutes, after Kevin has finished replaying and overanalysing the interaction in his head about ten times, when Aaron speaks again. "You know Seth?" he asks, though it sounds more like a flat statement than a question.

"_You_ know Seth?"

"I know that he wants me to play Surgeon Simulator with him."

Kevin almost smiles.

"Neil likes him," Kevin answers.

"You think that means shit?"

"Nicky likes him," Kevin amends. A beat passes, then Kevin says, "I thought I texted Andrew."

"You did. He's with Neil."

"Ah. Sorry."

Aaron rolls his eyes. "Better wake me up to fetch you than to bail you out for a DUI. Your text gave me just enough entertainment to force me awake."

Right. Kevin messaged in his panicked haze something that should never have seen the light of day, much less Aaron.

"What's that?"

"Sorry?"

Aaron points to a slip of paper lodged in Kevin's laptop. Kevin takes it out and unfolds it, smoothing it against his thigh.

Scribbled on it in one of the worst specimens of handwriting Kevin has ever seen is a combination of numbers as well as a lenny face in the corner.

Kevin pretends he doesn't see Aaron's wicked smile from the corner of his gaze.


	5. in which seth cooks a lot

Notes:

i come back to this shit and at 300+ hits? fuckin wild dude.

reasons why this takes centuries to update:  
1) i have a life  
2) school  
3) another personal project  
4) just sometimes not in the mood

follow me on tumbler lunasilvia for maybe updates.

* * *

**Unknown Number**

* * *

**Thursday ∙ 02:01**

Aaron called your move back at the Starbucks "real slick".

* * *

Add Contact: **quee(xy)n** ?

* * *

**quee(xy)n**

* * *

**Friday ∙ 02:44**

**whats ur fav sando**

Pardon?

**whats ur fav sandwich**

Warm, hard scrambled eggs, romaine lettuce, scallions, and avocado tossed olive oil, salt, pepper, and lemon juice, though it tastes better as a wrap.

**thx **

It's quarter to 3.

**indeed**

Why are you texting me?

**im hungry**  
**getting pretty sick of kale mashed potato leftover sando**  
**wanna try smth new**  
**ive tried the fav sandos of every 1 of my friends**  
**dan's double decker apple cinnamon raisin swirl bagel bonanza is at no1 so far**  
**dont know how ur gonna win w/o pie filling**  
**but i do like eggs**  
**so who knows**  
**this ones up in the air folks**

* * *

**Friday ∙ 03:07**

**ya kno**  
**this is actually p solid**  
**id eat this for breakfast 100%**

But instead, you chose to eat it at 3 in the morning.

**good textural contrast**  
**good falvor**  
**good crunch**  
**with the wrap 2**  
**had spare tortilllla**  
**ur sando slides into a neat 3nd**  
**just beaten by allys thanksgiving club**

* * *

**Friday ∙ 03:21**

**is a wrap a sando**

* * *

**Friday ∙ 03:24**

**so i googled it**  
**and apparently**  
**a sando has 2 have 2+ slices of bread**  
**(or a piece of bread split in two)**  
**and its gotta have stuff inside**  
**damn**  
**does ur wrap even count than?**

No.

**hmmm  
then i guess ur thing is my fav wrap  
what abt a quesadilllla**

What about?

**is it a sando?**

Depends.

**on?**

Do you make your quesadillas with two tortillas or one?

**one folded**

Then no, it's not a sandwich by definition.

**how do u make quesadillllas?**

With two tortillas, one on top of the other.

**if i took soup in a bowl**  
**put it on bread**  
**put another bread on it**  
**is it a sando**

By definition, yes.

**wack  
what abt a burger**

It's two pieces of bread, so it's a sandwich.

**but what abt those funky roll things**  
**the potato rolls**  
**they come in like**  
**one peice connected**  
**like a hot dog**  
**theyve got em at shake shack**  
**is that a sando?**

Not by definition.

**what abt a hotdog**

Not a sandwich.

**taco?**

Not a sandwich.

**does that make hotdogs tacos n potato roll burgers the same**

Why am I humouring this conversation?

**hotdogs n tacos r the same**  
**but not burgers**  
**cos u dont eat burgers vertically**  
**but u dont eat tacos verify rither**  
**vertically***  
**either***  
**so that means tacos n burgers r the same**  
**but not hotdogs**  
**hmmmmmmm**  
**wack**  
**s awake**

Belarus versus Sweden just finished. 17 to 15 in Belarus' favour.

* * *

Change Contact: **gh(qu)e(en)tto lacrosse** ?

* * *

**gh(qu)e(en)tto lacrosse**

* * *

**hmm**

What?

**howd the game go**

It was very entertaining.  
Belarus is certainly a rising national team within the European league.  
I wouldn't say they're on par with the big league teams (i.e. Scotland, Ireland, Italy), but they're getting there.  
The most recent additions of Roman Voronin and Evdokiya Antonova have done wonders to their defensive line.  
I'm surprised Russia didn't scout them before Belarus did.  
Their strikers are subpar, but it's obvious how much they've been working on patching up their major holes.  
I'm excited to see where the team goes.

**neat**

Why do you ask?

**meh**  
**i like exy a bit**  
**not enough to keep up with it**  
**but enough to watch neils and dans games**  
**u like it a lot**  
**might as well listen to what u gotta say**

Then what's with all of the slights?

**ahh just jokin around**  
**soz if it ever bothered u**  
**still tho**  
**i still think u should like**  
**jazz it up a lil**  
**do smth new**  
**small steps first obv**  
**like**  
**ik ik**  
**make a sando**

It's remarkably unhealthy to eat past 8.

**haha that means its always unhealthy 2 eat**  
**cos its always past 8**  
**srsly tho**  
**ys thst stopping u**  
**eat a sando**  
**how much convincing will it take 4 me 2 get u 2 eat a sando**  
**how must i persuade u 2 eateth the sando**

Why would you want to?

**catharsis**

That's an ominous response and, quite frankly, I don't like it.

**do u have a george foreman?**

No.

**damn and u went 2 college 2**  
**how did u survive**  
**it ok**  
**u can make panini w/o a foreman**  
**just use 2 pans**

I don't want to make a panini.

**yes u do**  
**here**  
**if i offer up my**  
**~sage knowledge~**  
**will it entice u**

No.

**ok so**  
**u want like**  
**my fav protein is chicken but u could probs put anythign u want**  
**put it in two slices of sourdough**  
**like gooooood sourdough**  
**dont shrimp on this stuff**  
**make sure u butter ur sourdough on the outside btw**  
**ok so inside u gotta put cheese onion sage chicken dijon mustard**  
**and heres the real kicker**  
**PEACHES**  
**canned paches**  
**peaches***  
**my guy**  
**u have noooooooo idea how good they r**  
**so take some peaches**  
**n mayo if ur in the mood i guess :/ wont judge promise**  
**now u gotta take two big pans**  
**heat em up real good**  
**slap that panini on a pan**  
**put ur other pan on TOP of the panini**  
**wait for the sizzle sizzle**  
**and bam**  
**god tier**

Ah.

**?**

I get it.

**?**

"Sage wisdom."  
Because you have sage as an ingredient.

**oh**  
**OHHHHHHH**  
**OHHHHHHHHOHOHOHOHOHOHOOHOOOO**  
**im god tier**

Are you saying that wasn't intentional?

**nope!**  
**i am ur dad now**

Please, no.

**anyway**  
**thats m y fav sando**  
**u should try it**  
**its rlllllllllllllllllllllllllllly good 6 v 6**

I don't have half those ingredients

**7 11 is 24/7**

Ah, yes, Seven-Eleven, my go to store when sourcing herbs and canned peaches.  
Besides, I'm in a hotel room. I'm not quite sure I can make paninis here.

**COME 2 THE AIRBNB**  
**DAN AND MATT AND ALLISON AND RENEE WENT OUT FOR THEIR SEXY TIMES AND NICKY IS ALSEEP**  
**WE CAN HAVE A PANINI PARTY**

No.

**awwwwwwwwwwwww**  
**lAAaaame**  
**use the iron**

Are you trying to get me charged?

**im TRYING 2 GET U a pANINI**  
**smh**  
**and i gave up my secret ingredient panini 4 this**

How is it a secret ingredient panini?

**wdym?**  
**it has secret ingredient**

Then why would you tell me?

**cos i wanna entice u into making a panini**  
**its my fav panini**  
**also u probs wont tell any1 else**  
**i hope?**  
**If you tell someone else the recipe to my secret ingredient panini, I will go to your house and harvest your spleen in your sleep. **  
**jkjk lmao xd**  
**Unless...?**

**Friday ∙ 04:30**

[ATTACHMENT SENT - VIEW - SHARE]

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Image Description:

A grainy, low quality photo of a sandwich. Parts of it are burnt. It looks questionably created.

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There.  
I went to Aaron's for this.  
Happy?

**!**  
**taste it**  
**its heaven**

It's pretty good.

**pretty good**  
**"pretty good"**  
**listen 2 that guy**  
**what a fool**  
**doesnt understan the the holiness of the secret ingredient panini**

It's too sweet.

**toO SWEEET**  
**BLASPHEMY  
LEAVE THIS HOUSE**  
**GET OUT**  
**DONT TALK TO ME**  
**HOLD ON**  
**U THINK THAT MY SECRET INGREDIENT PANINI, THE S.I.P. IF U WILL**  
**IS 2 SWEET**  
**BUT THAT /MONSTROSITY/ YOU HAD AT STARBUCKS WASNT?**  
**ur tastebuds r a mistake**

Are the peaches supposed to be the secret ingredient?

**after that slander**  
**u still come back 2 ask 4 questions**  
**ridiculous**  
**absolutely ridiculous**

I just wanted to mention that the peaches have a pretty distinct flavour and I'm surprised others haven't guessed what's in it.

**no silly the dijon mustard is obv**

And how is that obvious?

**matt dan renee allison neil jeremy jean and any1 else they drag along + me r gong 2 universal tmrw  
mentioned it b4**  
**want in?**

I'm not great with roller coasters.

**s ok!**  
**we can do fair games if u want**  
**O**  
**quick q**  
**do u need a new video?**

I don't have an upload schedule, so I guess, yes.

**kk  
****bring ur equipment**

* * *

**Aaron Minyard**

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**Friday ∙ 06:45**

since when the fuck did you know how to cook

**I don't know what you mean?**

those fuckin  
fuckin sandwich things  
on the counter today  
what the fuck  
if youve been skimping on me the entire time  
with those bullshit protein powder encrusted turkey slices  
when you could make this shit  
i will beat the shit out of you


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